theworldbehindnicolecoloredglasses

However Dysfunctional , This is the Way that I see Things

Co Co Merengue

on March 2, 2014

So yesterday my dad brought up(on facebook of all places) a story that he used to tell me.

It was unlike any story that I am sure any child has ever heard.  Parents are supposed to want to protect their children.As I grew older I started to think that the story was humorous, but until now I haven’t really given much thought, how this story could have had a negative impact on my childhood development and my life.

The story states that I was born in a little village in Venezuela; my parents didn’t want me so they shipped me off to America and dropped me off on the first doorstep that they found with a note saying to please take care of their little “Coco Merengue”. Apparently the note also stated that they will be coming back for me one day to reclaim their daughter.

When I was little I remember that my dad would tell me this story and I would cry and plead to not let then take me away. I would tell my dad that I loved him and that I didn’t want to go with another family. He found humor in my despair. In my opinion that is slightly sadistic.

Looking back that could have some serious negative implication upon me. It’s almost his point to give his child anxiety about being taken away from all that she has ever known, while making a little redheaded girl in a family of brunettes feel like she was even more of an outcast.

I don’t know that he was thinking but I can look past it now

To be clear I was never adopted. I was born to my mother and father in a city of Connecticut. I just don’t understand what he could have gained from the lies, perhaps I’ll never know.

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2 responses to “Co Co Merengue

  1. El Guapo says:

    I would ask my parents if I was adopted and get “Adopted? Who would want you?”, but it was also clear that they loved me.
    Hope as you make jokes with your kids, they always know how loved they are!

  2. .I will say many adults torment children inadvertantly with something they find hilarious forgetting how kids believe every word and no longer thinking like a child..can not recognize the fear as real. Children believe in monsters and fairy tales and things adults find ridiculous because they forgot they once were children with the same fears and inability to separate reality with fiction.
    Remember how when the kids would be scared of monsters..I would tell them not that there was nothing to be afraid of , but that I did not allow monsters in the house..how we sprayed for monsters? Its different but the same..
    A child has a fear and they feel it and its real..you tell them dont be silly ..because you dont want them to be afraid and as an adult you know the onez they picture in their minds arent real..but the child is still afraid .. and then they start second guessing the parent because the parent is denying tbeir very real fear..to..validate their reality allows them to actually feel more secure that mom and dad will protect them because mom and dad believe them. I think anyways. Parents who are the ones scaring the child forget to look at the story from the kids eyes.just like the parent who denys the monsters… assuming because they know they are teasing ..making up tales..lying..whatever you wish to call it..the child knows too.
    It may seem slightly ..or more than slightly sadistic but in reality most often its completely lost on tbe parent how deeply it affects and hurts their child. If it were pointed out to them ..most would stop. Id like to think your dad woulda.. he lacks a level of empathy or memory…denial of his own childhood fears so much ..I think he may have been in the do t be silly..monsters arent real camp.

    The motive of the story was most likely the exact opposite of the outcome.. it was made up to make you feel special..they chose to keep you..and explain your difference ..red hair vs brunettes in a fairy tale way.

    Cant say Im really sure why the ..they are coming back for you was thrown in. Maybe there was a if you arent good ..added that was leverage for good behavior..possibly an immature need of validation of your love by suggesting tne possibility you would be taken away.. to see if you would care..or miss him.
    Who the hell knows.
    I find that story interesting after knowing some of your particular self preservation coping methods
    Im talking shit..reasoning on an emotional level… Once you understand the payoff of the person whose actions you question..you can almost always understand what they were hoping to achieve. The ones who are the hardest to pin down are the ones who sadly in my experience just enjoy causing misery for misery itself. (& thusly not really hard to pin down..its hard beause you try out every reason..to find one other than the one thing you dont want it to be )
    One reason I keep looking for answers in certain people..is its hard to accept ..especially if you love them unquestionably..they wanted only to entertain themselves at whoevef was arounds expense with no thought of hurt..or worse with intent to hurt.

    Once you understand what limits you..your reasons and conditioned beliefs you can be free of the chains of expectation and becone who you are. Recognizing that this seemingly innocent childhood story affected you greatly is ..very self aware. Letting go of any grudge towards your dad over it even as you remain curious..very liberating… Ha..ive been thinking now on the story we tell alicia about her people..wondering if it eved scared her or made her feel unsure or insecure… you know I wouldnt do thst intentionally but you pointed out with your experience how I may have caused her undue fear.. ug. You know she only truly embraced and made that story her own after we said you were one of her people too… hmmmmm

    Love you. I still miss you everyday.

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