However Dysfunctional , This is the Way that I see Things

Some of my art



Tumor free is the way to be !


Not my brain

Once again I am left feeling as if I have to apologize for my absence these past few months. I feel that my blog is somehow an extension of myself, so if you have been wondering what is going on here is a good recap of the most recent events in my life.

As I brought to your attention in one of my past posts I have a Pituitary tumor. Well about a month ago I have decided that enough is enough and I wanted to be rid of it forever. The medication was no longer working to shrink the tumor and my prolactin levels were increasing despite being on the medication. I decided to go see DR Vrionis at Moffit  Cancer Center.


After a consultation I mustered the courage to tell the doctor what I have been neglecting to say for the past ten years. That I ,in fact wanted surgery. He instructed me to get off the medication and come back in 3 weeks  to have a “pre op” appointment.

The pre op appointment was painfully long and detailed. I spoke with a medical social worker about my opportunity to have a living will and advanced directives which is the papers that I would sign to pick who I want making decisions for me if something were to go wrong (fortunately enough I didn’t need to use them ). After that I went to have blood drawn and an MRI done, to locate exactly where the tumor was located to provide assistance in the removal. About 6 hours later and 12 vials of blood being taken we were finished with the first step.

After the pre op on the 15th I became increasingly nervous as the time passed.  I became somewhat secluded at home and generally didn’t feel like my usual happy go lucky self. I don’t know if even those that were closest to me knew how scared I really was. I wasn’t running or going to the gym like my usual routine. The morning of the surgery wasn’t any better. I was sick to my stomach the entire morning.

I was there on time and after a little confusion as to where my family and I had to go, we got checked in and the process started. They asked me a few questions , made me take a pregnancy test, and had me change into a purple gown and compression stockings My mom came in after a while to wish me luck and have me speak to my dad on the phone. I wish that I could say her presence was comforting but my mom kept trying to sit on me and my dad was higher than a kite on the phone. I am sure he fell asleep twice during our 5 min conversation. After a little while the started an IV and gave me some antibiotics for preventative measures. Antibiotics that I was apparently very allergic to, because I started itching violently. My mom called the nurse to give me some relief but it made me super sleepy.


Not much is too clear after that. I remember saying goodbye to my mom and my sister,  and I remember dozing off. I am assuming that they gave me the medication to make me “sleep” through IV while I was asleep from the Benadryl because I wasn’t told that I had to count down from 10 or any form of cliché like that.

After what I now know was approximately 2.5 hours, I woke up in a panic.

The first sensation I felt was the worst most intense burning sensation down my throat. The second feeling was heat. I was hot all over my body .I had things attached to me, I couldn’t move and I felt like crying but hesitated and knew that it wouldn’t do any good. At one point I remember trying to rip off my gown and my blood pressure arm band. I think I might have had a panic attack because I felt like I had to sneeze and then vomited blood all over.  I felt vulnerable and in pain, and still scared.

I finally calmed down enough to fall asleep. That was the most needed sleep I think that I have ever gotten in my entire life.

I woke up, still sore but in great spirits and frankly kind of loopy from the oxycodone that they gave me. The nurses told me that I would be moving to my room soon.

I remember asking if I was going to walk to my room and the nurse laughed at me and told me that I wasn’t allowed to walk. What a strange concept. I was running for miles just yesterday and now I wasn’t able to walk … spooky to say the least but even in my loopy stage I understood.

When I got to my room my mom, and my sister were  there waiting for me. I was hungry and thirsty despite the 3 consecutive glasses of water that I had just finished.

The rest for that day is now just a blur of sleep, getting poked and prodded every few hours and nurses coming in measuring everything .

The next day was a lot of sleeping and trying to get comfortable. Failing miserable at the trying to get comfortable part I might add. At the end of that day I got to come home. I watched a movie and then went to bed

Since the surgery I have been in little pain, just in the sides and the back of my head where they had a clamp to keep my head still during the procedure. so the question that you are probably asking is …. Did they get it all? (It being my tumor)

That I cannot tell you yet. I won’t know for another few months.   Kind of depressing considering everything that I have been through to get to this point.