However Dysfunctional , This is the Way that I see Things

My New Boob Job and Why My Glasses are a Little Rosier.

So I haven’t referred to my Nicole colored glasses on a while… So without further a due I shall begin… Hope you like it.

If you know about me you know that I have always struggled with my weight. As far as I can remember my mother (with good intentions) had me on every diet imaginable. I was 7 on slim fast and 10-12 on a messed up version of Atkins. I was and have been until about a month ago a hot mess. She really did try with me, but I now see that the way she went about it was all wrong. She had always had problem with weight and didn’t want me to have the same. So she shamed me and starved me into thinking that if with the right combo of the two I could be fixed. To me I wasn’t broken… I was a slightly overweight little girl that wanted to go out and play not sit and have a slim fast in front of the television. I would watch all these get thin quick infomercials and wish that I was one of them to say remember when I was fat? 

I am not complaining that is all relevant to how I see the world today as an adult. Everything you see, do, or go through either tints or slightly cracks your Nicole colored glasses. It is a metaphor for life.

Now Over a decade later I am starting to feel like I can say look at me now… I am down to a smaller size than I was when I was in the 8th grade and I am enjoying my life much more now. It is amazing the difference that something like that can make on your self-esteem and self-worth. All I did was change up my eating and worked out at the gym for about an hour on average 4 times a week. No special diet that I cut out things, no special tape that was guaranteed to deliver results with in a set amount of time. I just did it…..

Unfortunately I didn’t have faith in myself when I started and I did think to take picture of when I was at my heaviest but I have made quite and improvement with sill quite a ways to go. Boy would I love before pics right about now…. I can however tell you some of my “stats”.

I started at 225, 5 foot 3 and a size 17/18 …That was the heaviest that I had ever been. I wasn’t getting treatment for the tumor and I had slightly high cholesterol. Because my weight was rapidly increasing the checked my thyroid again (which is OK) and they put me in watch for diabetes. That was one of the times it scared me into doing something for myself. I lost about 15 lbs. just by not eating McDonald’s.i found some Pics that will help you get a visual but none are my highest weight.ImageImage

What really got me motivated was when I went to Tennessee in October and it was agreed that we could do one activity and it would be paid for me. I immediately thought that indoor skydiving would be a really cool experience that I have always wanted to try but never happened to be near one. I went to the place during off hours and noticed a sign on the door that had weight limits on it….For a woman under 5’6 you had to be at the most 160…. I broke down NEVER had my weight physically kept me from doing something that I wanted to do so badly. We went to to go horseback riding( pic included) but even that was limited.I knew I had to change then. Ironically I was actually giving this medifast diet a shot. It worked…. I lost 10 lbs. that week but stopped because it made me really light headed. In the weeks that followed I gained the 10 lbs. back when I started eating real food again and about 5 more… I felt defeated … I honestly do know what happened after that to make me start going to the gym again but I know it wasn’t until after thanksgiving I really gave the gym my all…


I bargained with myself said I just want to lose 5 lbs. (knowing full and well that my really goal was realistically 160… where I remember being the happiest with my body.) Then it was I just want to feel better … slow and steady…  I started noticing that I had so much energy and my depression was going away and I wanted to get a new job and better my life… I put so much into just feeling good about doing something like think for myself I didn’t notice that I was changing. Before I knew it the weight on the scale matched the weight I lied about on my license. Then it went lower and lowers until now…

I am at 155 5’3 still and a size 10/11 I feel amazing in my body. My boobs look like I got a boob job! I have confidence now. I do my hair and makeup more often and I have since gotten a job that I like and have a few friends that make me feel as if my Nicole colored glasses are somewhat rosier. I am not done by any means the doctor told me that if I could lose a total of 100 lbs. than I would be what the CHARTS say is normal but that 140 would be fine if that is where I want to stay. Now it is about what I want and less of what my body needs in order to live a long and healthy diabetes free life. My cholesterol is down to normal and I have been getting treatment to my pituitary tumor. I am proud of myself and that is what at the end of the day makes me, me.